Q: My daughter gets along well with other kids, and she has friends, but she doesn’t have a close buddy. She often feels sad when she talks about how “everyone else” has a best friend, except her. Any tips?

For kids, having a best friendship is like falling in love. Who wouldn’t want a soul mate–someone who makes us feel special, who understands, supports, and has fun with us? Just like a romantic relationship, a best friendship can bring joy and also heartbreak when it doesn’t last.  Having a caring best friend is also linked to feeling less lonely and anxious, having better self-worth, and feeling more engaged in school.

Some parents actively discourage their kids from having best friends to try to spare them from hurt feelings if the friendship ends. To me, that doesn’t make sense. It’s a bit like telling kids, “You should only value shallow relationships!”

As you’ve probably pointed out, not “everyone” has a best friend. Research finds that one-fourth to one-half of kids have a mutual “#1 very best friend.” If we broaden the definition to include mutual “top 3” friendships, then about three-quarters of kids have a best friend. So that’s a lot of kids with best friends, but definitely not all.

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